Before you start saying how nice it is that I actually have a defense mechanism..I just never ran..I ran away..from the roar..the exact opposite way and I got somewhere you’d want to know…
When this guy ghosted me for a while, I got scared and all I thought of was how to save myself. How was I going to let go before I’m let go..the negatives. I didn’t think of ..what if he’s not okay and maybe needed some time alone? What if he actually cares so much for me that he decides to put himself together after tough days and that he means no harm? I ended up losing the guy because I chose to run and I did ..I ran so fast.
After getting into a small fight with my dad, I went to my room and cried. That’s not so peculiar for most of us but then I didn’t sit back and ask myself what I did wrong..nor why my dad couldn’t hear my side of the story..all I chose was to run and sob to sleep..the next morning I woke up with the same resentment I had for dad and how cruel he made my life be..but coming to think of it..I had better ways of acting.. A parent loves his own..regardless of the odds and that’s why they care enough to want to see you succeed..just because the mode of correction is bad doesn’t make their love less.
I used the defense mechanism to represent the running because that’s what I do to defend myself. I run away from my fears, loneliness, hurtful thoughts, love and sad occurrences..the two instances were just a glimpse of how I do the running.
I want so badly to stop running from ..and instead face everything…face my fear to get hurt, fear to fail..to face love and fiercely do it..I want to be able to feel the hurtful thoughts and find a way to deal with them and so is it to the sad occurrences..I wanna be able to cry so loud when I remember sad moments because that is a part of me that probably won’t fade but accepting and embracing it as much as I do to the good things makes a whole difference. I wanna love someone and lose myself because in so doing I might just be the happiest person who can actually fearlessly love another being. Being able to do something about the lone moments when I find myself so alone and empty is also in my to do list.
How about i stop running from and rather ran towards?…because until we face what’s in front we’ll never get to see what’s beyond..this is my fighting spirit..but hey